Celebrity Confidential

Miley Cyrus. Who said romance was dead?

I'm going to make the better half sign a confidentiality agreement so that he can't slag me off to his mates when he's in the pub. He'll have to tell them I'm a babe brimming over with the milk of human kindness and never reveal that he's living with a harpy with a God complex.

Celebs do it, so why can't I? In fact you can download a Celebrity Confidentiality Agreement template from the internet. Do a search and dozens of templates will pop up.

You can understand why celebs get a bit twitchy when it comes to the hired help. They have carefully cultivated an image of a benevolent paragon of virtue,  so they really don't want anyone to know  about the drugs, booze, bad behaviour and the fact that they treat their staff lower than a snake's belly. When they step out in public that have been primped and groomed to within an inch of their lives so they don't want a picture of them picking their nose, wearing trackie bottoms and slobbing out in front of the TV plastered all over the internet.

There must be dozens of nannies itching to tell their story but can't lest they get hammered with a fine so huge they would have to sell their home, kids and granny to pay it.

Arnold Schwarzenegger - got the nanny pregnant.

Among the long list of stars who've allegedly begged the nanny for a spoonful of sugar are Ben Affleck, Jude Law, Mick Jagger, Ethan Hawke, Gavin Rossdale (when married to Gwen Stefani) and Arnold Schwarzenegger who in an act of wanton carelessness not only slept with Mildred Beana but got her pregnant too.

Say, for example, your celeb employer has "accidentally" booked you and he/her into the same hotel bedroom, you will not be allowed to breathlessly share this information with the world. And if by any chance you are at a Hollywood party (we're there all the time, right?) and catch the eye of big showbiz star don't expect hearts, flowers and boxes of chocolates. No, a Non Disclosure Agreement could well be landing at your feet before you've even had time to blow into your hand to check your breath.

Singer Miley Cyrus is now settled with actor Liam Hemsworth but apparently when she was footloose and fancy free she got her assistant to interview prospective love interests. Not only did they have to sign the agreement but were also prohibited from taking cameras and phones on the "date". Oh, and they had to agree not to bring flowers. Who said romance was dead?

Justin Bieber demanded guests and staff sign an agreement before a party he threw. There was a ban on texting, tweeting, phone calls, Facebook, or any other form of communication. No wonder he tried to keep the details secret because it subsequently emerged that police were called three times and that strippers, booze and drugs all featured heavily. Although I don't suppose that's much different from any celeb party. What do I know? The last party I went to was a golden wedding anniversary - not much booze and drugs there apart from statins and tonic wine.

Kanye West - lose $10 million if you reveal information.

Then there was Kanye West, married to Kim Kardashian,  who apparently at the third season launch of his Yeezy fashion brand required the crew and models to sign a confidentiality agreement promising to pay a $10 million dollar fine if they breathed one word about the family. $10 million? What planet do these celebs live on?

So I'm going to have a go at getting the better half to sign an agreement. I know he doesn't have millions of dollars so I'm just going to get him to promise a lifetime of housework, cooking, cleaning and gardening if he dares reveal any information detrimental to my carefully cultivated image of a gracious goddess dispensing wisdom and kindness wherever I go.

Before you leave:

• Please feel free to leave a comment. I love to hear from you and will reply and visit your blog, if you have one, if I can.
• Look in left column under Grounds For Divorce, Or Proof That I'm Living With A Madman for some short posts about the man I share my life with. (If you're reading on a phone it will be somewhere else - possibly at the top).
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