Around My Kitchen Table: High Falutin Job Titles

The good old "lollipop lady" at work.

Once upon a time you knew near enough what someone did for a living by their job title. You knew what a dustman, a dinner lady, a lollipop lady and a restaurant dish-washer were up to all day (I'm sure there are some non-British readers who are scratching their heads over some of these titles. For example, in the US a lollipop lady is a school crossing guard).

I can see the need to change some of the titles so they are not gender specific but these days you are hard-pushed to figure out a person's job because they have been given such grandiose titles. Here are a few: a school advertised for a dinner lady/man - you know, that lovely person who dollops fishfingers and mashed potato onto kids' plates. The job title? An education centre nourishment consultant.

Swimming pools and beaches no longer employ lifeguards. If you get into trouble no hunky lifeguard or Bay Watch-style babe is going to come to your aid - but you might get a "wet leisure attendant". Doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

If you are a student washing up in a restaurant to make some cash to help pay off your loan, you can use the title "hygiene engineer". The people who collect my rubbish every week are no longer binmen or dustmen but waste management and disposal technicians.

I have a friend who has a job organising activities for the elderly. She is the "director of life enrichment". Even she laughs at this title. The next time you're in a big department store, spare a thought for the vertical transport engineer, the lift (elevator) engineer.

What's wrong with the title "receptionist"? Everyone knows what a receptionist is but I'm not so sure they know what a "director of first impressions" does.

Must go. I have a busy day ahead of me, working as a "domestic services operative, first class". In other words, I'm off to do the housework.